My dad just emailed me this huge list of puns oh...
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
The earthquake in Washington obviously was the Government's fault.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
Mom: Why is your room always so messy?
Me: So that if someone comes in and tries to kill me, they'll trip over something and die.
majss: hey will you remember me in a day yeah will you remember me in a week yeah will you remember me in a month yeah knock knock who’s there i thought you said you’d remember me
When people say that homosexuality is too hard for...
It’s really not that hard is it to say, “Sometimes boys like boys and sometimes girls like girls. Now eat your fucking jello.”
Who the fuck am I kidding? I can’t do this….
Distance: Hello, my name is Distance, and i'm the reason why lots of people are crying right now. My job is to separate the ones who love each other.
Love: Hey. I make some people cry too, but i try to make them strong to handle the pain. I'm Love. You can put a million bricks in front of me, try to tear me down, but i'll always be bigger than you.
I am meeting like twenty members of my boyfriends...
only1cutt: ms-bahhbchewy: loveforthenameless: cosmic-dr3ams: angelic4: impl0de: e-ric: best video EVER They are God this was beautiful i’m crying this was beautiful OMFG Stephanie. CAN I MARRY THEM I love paint. :)
janeyyyftw: paging-doctorfaggot: simpsonizer-things: yadumb: ryancrobert: thefluffypotato: tltty: its 2012 can everyone stop quoting mean girls